The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, closeness, and love .

When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men specifically in urban areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Lots of gay guys wish to discover from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry click is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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