The Sex Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and repercussions.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .

However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay guys desire to find out from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex web link isn't really going to ready?".

Nonetheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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